A sluggish day 5

Today was kinda crappy. I felt sluggish all day. I gave in and got another decaf soy latte this morning, thinking that might trick my body into thinking it was a regular caffeinated drink, but to no avail. Then, I had an agave-sweetened ginger ale, which was delicious and refreshing but didn't do anything to wake me up. I guess that's part of the point with eliminating caffeine and sugar - no quick fixes. I also spent more time outside, which was lovely at the time but didn't carry over into the office. It does kinda suck to not have a window in the office to see outside. And to think I used to complain because our full wall of windows was too shaded...

I have gained some insight from not satisfying every craving or desire for food that I feel, although I still do feel them. I miss the taste of chocolate, for example. I'm curious to see if that subsides. There is something to be said from not getting the immediate gratification that we're so used to and expect. Especially in relation to food. Working right in downtown Berkeley, there are endless options for grabbing lunch - it's all at my fingertips. But now that I can't just go and eat whatever I want, I appreciate more what I do have. For someone as indecisive as me, it's kinda nice to have fewer options.

I cooked dinner tonight. I think it was actually the first time I really cooked beyond the microwave in my apartment. I love the process of cooking and the satisfaction afterwards. Part of that is probably because it's using my hands for something other than writing or typing. It's also a quiet, semi-creative outlet in which I'm actively doing something - not like reading or watching tv.

I really do want to find balance in my life. Not sure if and when an epiphany will come, but I'm starting to open myself up to that. I still work too much and then am exhausted when I come home. I don't know why I naively thought that pattern would change with a new job, a new scene. I need to find that change in myself. Set an intention and work towards it.

This morning I felt ready to get back in an exercise routine. Finally. That of course does not mean that I actually did exercise. But I'm thinking about it. Which is interesting, because that's what today's chapter was about in The Quantum Wellness Cleanse. I looked into joining the YMCA, which is close by and recently renovated. I generally like the atmosphere of the Y. However, it's like $62 a month! So then I reexamined my dusty old budget that I hastily put together when I decided to take the job. Right now, I can't really afford $62/month. But I'd still like to, so the next step is to prioritize my spending and take ownership for my purchases. I don't have the income that I used to have, but I haven't really cut back in my spending habits. Again, setting the intention first...

One step at a time.